1 Then God told Noah; “Now listen close – I said you and your whole family only Noah, I know what you’re thinking about smuggling on all those extra women, but a godly man would just do what I said and not make his own choices.”
2 “Don’t forget to take a bunch of extra animals with you, you’re going to need them for food and fodder.”
3 “And don’t forget the birds, take a bunch extra of them too, I really recommend the turkey.”
4 “And in Seven days I’ll be having my cry, it’ll probably go on for quite a while so you’d better be ready by then.”
5 And Noah did what he was told without questioning.
7 He and his sons and his wife and his sons’ wives all went on to the ark.
8 Pairs of animals, led by a man with a flute, came to Noah and he took them aboard.
9 Male and female they came. There were of course some accidents where predators crossed prey and some species were made extinct – but not many.
10 During the seven days of waiting Noah married many additional women who believed the end of the world was coming and brought them on to the ark – his ‘extended’ family.
11 Noah was 600 years old, and it was a random day of the year when the seventh day came and the emo God wept.
12 His tears fell for 40 days and nights.
13 Noah and all his wives and his sons were safely aboard the ark.
14 They had every kind of animal with them, barring the ones that had already been eaten.
15 The man with the flute entertained them all during the long days and nights.
16 Everything had happened just as God had commanded, and they counted on him not to punch a hole in their ark since they had no way of steering.
17 In 40 days the waters well overflowed all the rivers, streams and oceans and the ark floated directionless on the rising waters.
18 The waters got really deep.
19 So deep that all the mountains were covered. Flotsam and jetsam littered the waves. People floated by on makeshift rafts stacked with food. Trees and vegetation turned the floodwaters green.
20 The waters rose until only the heads of giants rose out of them, and every now and then one walked by and gave the ark a bit of a shove causing no end of havoc on board.
21 Everyone not smart enough to have a boat and provisions died. All of the creatures of the earth died.
22 Everything on dry land died, all the trees, plants and anything else living couldn’t survive the flooding.
23 Every living thing on the earth was wiped out.
24 The waters flooded the earth for 150 days.
Commentary:
I know there is a bunch of discussion on whether the ark was big enough to hold all the animals etc. etc. Well it was big enough to hold some of them anyway. They probably didn’t have enough food for everyone, but that’s where the Giants come in, I bet they carried some around, or could pull fish up to eat or something and gave them to Noah. Even if they batted the ark around for fun they couldn’t have been all bad.
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