1 God saw how the world was going and created the first universal translator. It was called ‘Babelfish’. It could translate any language in to any other.
2 This allowed the people to finally work together once more, since they’d all decided to speak different languages.
3 They came together and invented bricks, and kilns, and tar.
4 Then they said; “Let’s build a giant fish in honour of this marvellous achievement. Tall enough so everyone can see it all over the world and will know where to come to get drunk and party all night long!”
5 But this wasn’t what God had in mind, partying was all well and good when it was localized, but he couldn’t let the whole world just sink in to maniacal partying.
6 Then God said; “This Babelfish thing was a really bad idea, if they keep inventing things at this rate they might learn I’m obsolete … and we can’t have that.”
7 “I’d better go bad down there and destroy the Babelfish.
8 So the Lord went down and stomped through their mock-ups, ate their sketches and threw away all their tools.
9 Then he destroyed the Babelfish and forbid it ever being created again.
10 Here is the boring story of Shem’s family
11 Shem’s family was a bunch of ruffians, vagabonds and useless twits.
12 It had been said that God would judge a man after 120 years – it should have been clarified what would happen at this point.
13 Shem’s family was so bad that God just judged them unworthy and sent them back to live for another 120 years.
14 Some of them died untimely, but most lived out their lifetimes two or three or four times over. At least they had some daughters over that period
15 At least they were all getting married and having children before they turned 40, if they’d been stuck waiting till they were 100 things might have started going badly in the future
16 It was sometime after Eber had Pegleg that things really got nasty, Eber was the worst of the bunch and lived 430 years.
17 And from there life expectancy started to drop dramatically
18 No one is really sure if that was due to the decline of their unworthiness or if God had just gotten tired of re-judging them
19 over and over and over
20 It came down to the last son Nahor
21 He hadn’t lived a terrible life
22 All in all compared to the rest of his family it was quite modest
23 And when it came to his time
24 He was judged worthy on his first shot
25 Living exactly 119 years.
26 His son Terah was cut short even earlier living only 70 years.
27 Terah had one of the more boring lives, so let’s look at it in more detail
28 Terah had some sons, and they died
29 And some others got married and had daughters
30 But Abram was gay and never slept with his wife, so didn’t have any kids
31 Terah left his home and took Abram with him, hoping to find him a better match, but Abram took Lot his nephew and wasn’t really interested in anyone else.
32 Terah died somewhere alone.
Commentary:
I had no idea that God came up with Babelfish, I wonder what made him relent and allow its creation once more? If anyone knows drop me a line, I’m sure it’s an interesting story.
More useless name additions here. There must have been a whole army of scribes writing and rewriting this, trying to fit all the names in without sounding like they were just trying to fit in names – which they failed at by the way.
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