Genesis Chapter 28

1 So Isaac dragged Jacob out from under his bed where he’d been trying to hide.  He commanded him, “Your mother doesn’t want you to marry an inexperienced woman.”

2 “Get out of here and go hang out at the brothel where your mother came from and find a wife there.”

3 “Don’t let God con you with that ‘I’ll give you lots of children’ crap.  Handle it yourself.”

4 “And if you don’t know how to do that by now I’ve lost all hope for you, you’ve spent enough time around your Mother, just ask her about when she was younger.”

5 Isaac threw Jacob out of the tent and sent him packing.

6 Esau found out that Isaac had sent Jacob off to find an experienced wife.

7 He also learned that Jacob had done as he was told

8 Then Esau realized that his father must be disappointed with the wives he had since they’d been inexperienced when he married them. 

9 So he went off to the closest whorehouse and found a third wife.

10 So Jacob went off to find a wife.

11 He got tired of walking and found a place to camp out.

12 He dreamed of an escalator from heaven to Earth with God and other people riding it up and down.

13 God stood at the top of the escalator and he said; “I’m God, and if you treat me proper I’ll make sure you have lots of children.”

14 “And they’ll cover the earth inheriting the land you are laying on.”

15 “You just have to accept a part of me that will travel with you, so come on up here and turn around.”

16 Jacob jerked awake, then he thought ‘Dad was right, good thing he warned me – I wish God would stay out of my dreams’

17 Jacob was kind of scared as he looked around; “Maybe it has something to do with this place, I should warn people, if the escalator leading to heaven is here they might want to steer clear.”

18 So early the next morning he took a stone and stood it upright, then peed on it.

 

19 He called the place ‘Bethel’ which means ‘Place of crazy dreams’

20 Then Jacob called up to God

21 “Stay out of my head will you?”

22 “Now I put this stone here to warn people, leave it alone so they get the message.”

Commentary:

They were really all about the experienced women back in the day.  Obviously they didn’t look down on women who didn’t have a lot of skills to sell.  Making it illegal is a crime against God!

Here comes God again with his voice from above telling someone he is going to give them lots of children etc. etc.  That must be his only line to get people to do what he wants.  I’m glad they finally saw through his shallow promises.  Though I can’t say I relate to the warning Jacob left, I guess you make do with what you have.