Genesis XVIII

1 God walked over to Abraham one day when Abraham was sitting by his tent.

2 Then Abraham looked up and saw three men standing nearby. He turned away. God kicked him in the side; “What’s the matter with you, show these guys some hospitality.” Abraham got up and trudged over to the three of them

3 He said; “I’ve got water and food if you can pay for it, let’s see some of your coin. After that you can be on your way – if you stay I’ll have to circumcise you, and trust me, it sucks.”

4 One of the men said; “We are poor, bring us some water to wash our feet, then we’ll rest here under this tree.”

5 God said; “Bring them food to give them strength, and the water.” Abraham muttered something about not being a charity but he went to take care of things.

6 Abraham hurried back to his tent, to Sarah he said; “God is making me feed some beggars, get that mouldy old bread you baked last week, we’ll feed that to them.”

7 Then he went out to the herd and picked one of the lame shaggy calves that was going to have to be put down anyway. He gave it over to a slave to prepare.

8 He cornered a slave before they could throw away curdled milk and brought that with him. All of it he fed to the men and stood around waiting to see if they complained.

9 “Where is your wife?” the three men asked him. “God said we’d get to see her if we showed up here today.” Abraham replied with a wave; “Over there in the tent.”

10 Then God said; “Did you really have to serve them spoiled food?” Abraham shrugged; “Beggars can’t be choosers.” God nodded and said; “I’ll be back next year Abraham to see your new son.”

11 Abraham and Sara were far too old to have a baby

12 So Sarah laughed at the thought; “Why does my husband always listen to this old fool, he doesn’t know anything. Maybe he should have a baby, now I’d pay to see that. I’ll start praying for that every day and see what comes of it.”

13 Then God asked Abraham; “Why did Sarah laugh and call me an idiot? Doesn’t she know I can hear and see everything? Remember that time you stuck your tongue out at my back when you thought I wasn’t looking?”

14 “This baby nonsense is all solved, she’ll have sex with each of these three beggars here and next year she’ll be pregnant.”

15 That shut Sarah up, and she eyed the three men sceptically. “I didn’t laugh,” she muttered. God fwapped her upside the head; “Don’t lie to me.”

16 The three men got up and went in to the tent. There was murmuring and giggling from inside. Abraham walked along down the road to get out of earshot.

17 Then God said; “I wonder if I should tell Abraham what I’m about to do”

18 As usual God just randomly spoke to himself out loud when he was thinking

19 “I know I’ve chosen him, and I still can’t believe he actually went along with that circumcision thing.”

20 Then God said; “I’ve heard from a friend, that their friend’s second cousin who visited Sodom and Gomorrah once said that things are pretty bad there.

21 So I’m going to go down and take a look to see for myself. If they really are sleeping till noon, biting their nails and eating fish on Tuesday I’ll see it.”

22 “Is all that really bad?” asked Abraham

23 “What about the good people that get up early and work hard and maybe can’t afford fish?”

24 “What if there are 50 good people in the city, will you destroy it all even with them inside it?”

25 “I mean, most of them might deserve it – but is that all it takes?”

26 God replied; “You’re right, 50 people are enough to spare it, even if most of them deserve to die.”

27 Then Abraham asked again; “What about 45?”

28 God said; “If there are 45 I won’t destroy it.”

29 “How about 40?” – “I won’t do it.”

30 “30?” – “No, even if there are only 30 I won’t do it.”

31 “20?” – “If there are 20 I won’t destroy it”

32 “How about 10?” – and finally God said; “Enough Abraham, if there are 10 I won’t destroy it either, enough with the questions already.”

33 And God left. Abraham returned home.



Commentary:

So God doesn’t really have a problem with extramarital affairs. At least in the case of Abraham and Sarah anyway. He even played matchmaker. I suppose he would have had to search for a while to find someone that could impregnate a 100 year old woman.

I found the little exchange at the end interesting, if God hadn’t left would it have kept going … 5? 4? 1? … that’s a good question, how many people who sleep in and eat fish on the proper day does it take to save a city? Couldn’t Abraham just go and squat there until god lost interest to save it – kind of like an olden days lying in front of a bulldozer?